10 Ways to Guarantee Your Marriage Will End in Divorce

The divorce rate in the United States is nearly 50%. Those are high numbers considering 100% of these couples were supposedly in love when they married. I am sure not one of these couples considered they had a 50/50 chance of not making it.

Their dreams to live “happily ever after” ended in a friendly divorce at best or a nasty “I hate your stinking guts. I’m going to leave you in the streets” at worse. After divorce, each partner is left feeling guilty, shameful and defeated because they failed at one of the most worthy causes a human lives for- to build a happy family.

I’ve been married for 24 years and over the period of our marriage Gus and I have experienced many highs and lows. We were nearly divorced once and looking back we wish we had known some of the things I’m about to share with you. We did EVERY SINGLE ONE of the things mentioned below. If we are still married, it’s because it pleased God to use our life lessons to help you stay together and build a marriage so strong that NOTHING will be able to separate you!

Rather than giving you a list of the things to do, I wanted to make a list of the things YOU SHOULD NOT DO if you want to stay married. This list is simpler and shorter, but it has significant more effect in your life. You see…if you always bring your wife flowers, but watch pornography that won’t help you. If you are submissive to your husband, but you have an unhealthy sexual life, that won’t save your marriage.

Ignoring communication in your marriage will cause it to gradually get worse.

Shirley Solis, Tweet This

Consider each one of these points below. If you do all of them or a combination of them for significantly longer than your partner can endure, then your marriage will surely end in divorce. Your only hope at that point is God. But, hey…don’t wait for God to come and save you. Invite God into your marriage first and then avoid this list like the plague. So, here is my list of the things you must do if you want your marriage to end in divorce:

1. Pretend communication doesn’t matter. There are couples who think if they ignore important or relatively unimportant topics (like the spouse taking out the garbage), problems will be avoided and things will be better. “Why bring it up if he/she gets upset?” is a common way of thinking. Ignoring communication in your marriage will cause it to gradually get worse. Your partner will never be able to read your mind. It is ideal for you to share your personal desires, dreams, visions and even your deepest pains, regrets and “dumb” feelings with your spouse. But in order to fully share all this, you must LEARN TO COMMUNICATE.

Communication is an art for BOTH partners. There is a myth about women being better communicators, but in my experience they both SUCK! Men are too quiet and don’t share deeply. Women share deeply, but without focus. If you keep communicating by mis-communicating, your marriage will surely end in divorce, so find a course, a coach or someone who will teach you how to lovingly get your point across to your partner.

2. Ignore your partner’s requests to change unhealthy patterns in your life. Too often I hear of partners who “got fed up” with asking their partner to change a bad habit (weight loss, pornography, anger, pride, etc.) and they finally gave up and made a rash, crazy decision. That person patiently asked the partner to change and the partner sent a clear message that he/she didn’t care about the partner’s feelings by not considering the request. Although there are some areas we cannot or should not change (very, very, very, very few), most of the time the requests from our partners are legitimate requests to help the partner improve their own life and to make things better in the relationship and family.

Our partner has an insight to our life like no one else and it is probable their insight will help identify faulty belief systems, unhealed childhood wounds and unhealthy behavioral patterns that should change. By continuing to ignore these requests, you will get what you most deeply and subconsciously desire- the ability to keep your pride and lose your marriage.

If you keep communicating by mis-communicating, your marriage will surely end in divorce.

Shirley Solis, Tweet This

3. Act as if you are a completely independent person and your actions don’t affect anyone. Some people forget that when they say “I do” things change and our independent attitudes and actions will affect our spouse and the family. For instance, if you are on a budget, you shouldn’t join a gym without speaking to your spouse. And in a worse case scenario, a spouse should not flirt with a person of the opposite sex, even if the partner will not find out, because it makes their partner look like an idiot. Every action we take must be considered first individually and then in partnership with your spouse. If you ignore your spouse when making a decision, your marriage will end in divorce. Then you can surely enjoy your independence and your children will suffer as a result. Hope you are happy being alone.

4. Selfishly watch your partner work harder in your marriage and/or family than you. Why is it that human nature is to “relax” when we see a person working hard on a team project? What gives us the idea we can sit back and do a little less work just because there is a hard worker in the team??!!! Let your spouse take all the communication classes and read all the books to improve your marriage and family. Let your spouse clean the entire house, while you “relax,” because after all…you already worked “hard enough.” Let your spouse make all the doctor appointments for the children and completely ignore the finances because your partner does them.

Guess what??

Soon, you will have the pleasure of not having to work on your marriage at all and in not having to clean a house where a family lives, because you won’t have a family. You will be a single parent…actually you will continue to live as if you are single, because your spouse will probably be the single parent, since he/she is the more mature one. By the way…you will not just lose your family, but you will lose your job or at the very least you will never get promotions. Nobody likes lazy people and you are plain lazy and selfish if you sit back and watch your spouse work while you do nothing.

Every action we take must be considered first individually and then in partnership with your spouse.

Shirley Solis, Tweet This

5. Seek sex only for physical pleasure without building upon true intimacy. Some partners think sex is like a lightbulb. You turn it “on” or “off” on demand. Actually, the opposite is completely true for both partners. Both genders NEED the intimacy that builds to intimate and pleasurable sex. Without a constant “warm up,” your partner will perform like a robot and you’ll be left physically satisfied for a minute, but you’ll have an insatiable desire to connect that you’ll try to fill with work, money, fitness, church, helping others, porn, drugs, etc..

Stop cheating yourself and prime the sex pump daily. In marriage, sex is an ongoing relationship, not a one time act. Ignore this and you can have sex with anyone you want, because you will be divorced, but you will NEVER learn the lesson of true intimacy.

6. Live only to please your spouse. Although we are no longer supposed to be fully independent, we are also not supposed to be fully dependent and as if all our life is revolved around our spouse. That is sick dependency and it gets “old.” Your spouse will stop respecting you, because you are not the real you. If you live only for your spouse that is idolatry. By living for your spouse only, you lose self-respect and you forget about what you want and what your gifts are.

You have to remember your spouse fell in love with YOU and he/she wants to continue to experience YOU, because anything other than that is a fraud. Therefore, don’t plan tea parties with the girls or hunting trips with the guys. Stay home and please your spouse. He/she will be pleased at first, and you’ll be happy because you are making your spouse happy. Soon, you will lose yourself and you will become silently miserable, since you don’t know who you are. A marriage needs two people that become one, not one who lives to only please the other.

Stop cheating yourself and prime the sex pump daily. In marriage, sex is an ongoing relationship, not a one time act.

Shirley Solis, Tweet This

7. Ignore the word “forgiveness” and disregard its definition and application in your life. When I tell you that your spouse will hurt you over and over and over and over and over and over again, I am not exaggerating. Clearly, your spouse will not mean to do so, but it will happen because you are living with this person day in and day out.

By ignoring forgiveness and the understanding of how that applies in your life, you will grow bitter. Bitterness will then creep up your heart and like a bad weed, it will take over your heart and it will squeeze every last bit of love for your spouse out. Once it has done that, it will begin to inject hatred and venomous words that spit out of your mouth every time you communicate. Do you want to GUARANTEE divorce? Then remove this word from your belief system and from your dictionary.

8. Try to build your marriage without asking for help or without a support system that holds each person in the couple accountable. It’s one thing to have friends who you hang out with as a couple, but it’s another to have a group of friends who know EVERYTHING about you and love you enough to see you work through the down sides of marriage. Many women complain their husband won’t allow any other men in his life, but ladies…it is perfectly acceptable for you to let your husband know you ARE inviting another couple to discuss your marital problems and to seek help.

Whether your spouse likes it or not, having accountability is an absolute must have for the success of any couple and your marriage depends on it. I must say you should seek an impartial couple who loves you both equally and whom you both trust. Ignoring the need for support in marriage is like trying to build a table without legs. Don’t be so independent and don’t try to keep appearances. Be honest and seek help. Otherwise, you will suffer in silence for long periods of time and one day “all of a sudden” you will surprise everyone with your divorce.

Ignoring the need for support in marriage is like trying to build a table without legs.

Shirley Solis, Tweet This

9. Pretend to be the “good” person in the marriage and live like a martyr. There are way too many religious partners in marriages today. In an attempt to get the spouse to change (also known as manipulation), one partner makes himself/herself seem like the “saint” by following all the good rules and living a martyr relationship. In the meantime, this partner has no actions which manifest as unconditional love. On the contrary, bitterness and the “cold shoulder” are the norm in the relationship.

It is unfortunate how many marriages of religious people end in divorce…all because the main commandment of “love your neighbor as yourself” was impossible to live out. If you want your marriage to end in divorce, preach God daily, go to church, pray or continue to act as if you are the “good” person; consequently, continue to act in hateful ways towards your spouse, because when you preach goodness and love, but not live goodness and love, your marriage will end in divorce.

10. Choose to emotionally and spiritually stay right where you are. If you don’t grow emotionally or spiritually, but rather choose to watch your partner blaze past you in all areas of life, you bet your marriage is in shaky grounds. Each person has to evolve and grow and learn. It is healthy and natural to do so. Yet, there are endless, passive spouses who choose to sit back and let life happen to them. They would rather watch TV than read a book. They would rather stay stagnant and rot away while their partner rots away with them.

Marriage is growth and life, and we should expect to be challenging each other as couples. If you want life to get dull and boring, then stop growing and try to get your spouse to stop growing or watch them leave you behind. Ultimately, your marriage will end in divorce because your marriage stopped being about life, and turned towards death.

Marriage is growth and life, and we should expect to be challenging each other as couples.

Shirley Solis, Tweet This

11. BONUS: Don’t take responsibility for how bad your marriage is. It is easy to blame your partner for what he/she does or doesn’t do, but the truth is you are ultimately responsible for you and what you allow in your life. If your partner has a “bad behavior” and you continue to allow it for too long without bringing in help TO ASSESS AND FIX the situation, you are basically agreeing and partnering with your spouse to be right at where you are. You are a part of the “broken” pattern and you are responsible for changing that in your life.

Stop blaming your spouse and grow up.

Take responsibility for you and learn healthy boundaries. If you choose otherwise, you will be overwhelmed with too much unhealthy responsibility and you will blame it all on your partner. Soon enough you will grow resentful and your marriage will be in a continuous painful chaos that will end in divorce.

My hope is you would CAREFULLY consider each one of these topics. Go back and read them without thinking which ones fit your spouse (that’s point #11). Look at what you have to work on and take action to make your marriage what it’s supposed to be- a relationship of unconditional love, forgiveness, grace and service that leads to physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy that makes your every cell twirl with excitement!

Shirley and Gus Solis help restore broken marriages to a level of bliss intimacy and fulfillment. Their approach is based on REAL LIFE application of what it took to restore their marriage. If your marriage needs immediate intervention, email us at Shirley@ShirleySolis.com for a complimentary consultation to help save your marriage!

Question- Which of these points could you work on? How would your life and marriage benefit from doing so?

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