The ONE Technique to Help Your Child (and You) Have a Better Attitude

Can you recall the first time your toddler got her first rush of independence by noticeably getting angry, frowning eyebrows, crossed arms and all?

I can…

In fact, I recall that moment for each one of my six children. The desperate feeling in me and the defiant spirit in him were no match for each other. How could I win and how could I turn that attitude around?

I struggled with “the attitude” for several years, until one day I learned a special technique that not only helped my child have a better attitude, but it also helped me too! On those days when all seemed to be falling apart, I could immediately implement this technique and I was no longer a slave to my negative emotions.

The secret behind this strategy is the science of physiology or the “fake it ’til you make it” technique. In other words, humans use their body to express how they feel. If we are angry, we fold our arms. If we are anxious, we tap our foot. If we are sad, we slouch our upper body. If we are happy, we smile.

By using the science of physiology to our parenting advantage, we can literally SHIFT our child’s (or our) attitude positively, by simply changing his or her physiology.

For example, when a child is angry or frustrated and crosses his arms, I ask him to “unfold his arms.” Then, I ask the child to “smile.” Consequently, I also distract the child’s attention from the cause of his negative attitude and direct his thoughts to a worthy idea. Please understand that prior to using this technique, the child is completely closed. As long as the child’s arms are crossed, you will be unable to emotionally and logically get through to him or her. You must help the child shift his body posture, in order for the child to EMOTIONALLY OPEN UP and engage with you.

**Note- If your child is not unfolding her arms when you ask her, then you must work on obedience. To learn how to effectively and lovingly train your child in obedience, schedule a Family Strategy Session with me here. For my free parenting mini-course, go here.


By using the science of physiology, parents can literally SHIFT their child’s bad attitudes. #childtraining



Shirley Solis, Tweet This

This simple strategy is so effective that if you try it, it will work 100% of the time! It is powerful enough to use with young children, but it works well with young adults and in marriage. Of course, you wouldn’t tell your husband to unfold his arms (I must say this, because some of you might, haha), but you may be aware of your own physiology during the conversation.

I found a powerful TED Talk by Amy Cuddy, where she thoroughly and simply explains how body language/physiology impacts who we are and how it affects our attitude. She calls it the “fake it til you make it” study and she shares about an experiment she conducted with her MBA students and how they confirmed her theory that not only does the mind control the body, but also that the body DOES control the brain as well.

It’s about 20 minutes long, and well worth the conviction of using our posture to influence our attitude. The real “meat” in the video doesn’t start until about minute 7, so stay put. I highly recommend you try this with the kids (and yourself) to make a difference in your day!

Youtube Link: Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are

Challenge: Teach your children the connection between their mind and their physiology. Let them know there are “high power poses” and “low power poses.” Hold yourselves accountable to managing your body in a powerful way! Are you in? Share below.

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