My Trembling Experience Raising Adult Children

Having adult children has posed a new challenge in that I REALLY CAN’T CONTROL THEM.

Just when I thought I wasn’t controlling, I kept seeing my tendencies to want to “help” my adult children make decisions that appeared successful in my eyes. Simple things like going to college, getting a successful career, having good habits, etc., seemed like a good path, but when they weren’t making those choices my world would tremble and I had to TRUST.

Trust became a very real choice, since all the other tendencies of my heart were not healthy. My level of trust stretched and I kept relaxing into knowing I had done the best I could and ultimately knowing “they would be okay.” Trust was a decision and it was the best decision in the midst of a new and unprecedented world. My “little chicks” were free to fly and that was the real test to confirm if what I had taught them would prevail in the midst of a noisy world.

One of my toughest tests came when my oldest son made decisions that didn’t seem to support his long term vision. The consequences came soon enough as his personal attitude spiraled down and he went from being fun and witty to being quiet and “depressed.” Our family gave him space to process, yet we continued to tell him we loved him no matter what. One month. Two months. Three months. He seemed to be wrestling the “old him,” fighting for a new him and that was a battle only he could do.

In the meantime, there was uncertainty regarding the unknown. But there was nothing to do. Only wait and love (there are times when waiting is not a good choice- it depends on the circumstance- for us this was the best choice).

The day finally came when there was a shift and the post below happened in social media under his Instagram account. Soon enough our home was laughing at his jokes and crazy occurrences again. The “old him” was gone and a new and improved “Big Guy” showed up.

All this confirmed what I knew- Our children will be okay. If you made mistakes with them and are not quite sure how to “fix” them, seek help and learn how to turn your messes around. If you need to win their heart back, seek support and fight for their heart with all your might. If you need to be a better role model for them, it’s still not too late. When they see how you show up, they will show up strong too and they’ll learn to persevere through their breakthroughs. No effort on your side is too small. Your children are worth it. When you show up strong and you TRUST, you will have the joy of seeing them leave a new legacy of inspiration, courage and victory. 

Enjoy the post below and share your thoughts in the comments below or if you prefer email me personally shirleyatshirleysolisdotcom I look forward to hearing from you!

“A hungry stomach, empty pocket, and broken heart can teach the best lessons of life.”
This quote hit me hard when 4 months ago I had no direction for my life, no money, and my heart was broken. I’ve never had anxiety, but after all that I started having anxiety, and this kept me from eating.Then one day something snapped, when I had to ask my 7yr old sister for gas money to hold me off till my next paycheck. I had NO money. Literally looked at my wallet with $5, and told myself “I have no money, and this is the last time.” I had to get out of this. I had been doing the same thing expecting different results, that’s insanity. I had to do something I had never done before. I prayed, and a few days later I woke up with a burning desire, one I had heard about, but never felt all my life. Never like this. I started to do things I had never done. I began to work 60 hours a week. At the same time, I started to train 20+ hours a week. Had to break my habits, face my fears. Going through the fire in your life? Embrace that. Let it mold you. Don’t fight the fire, fight through it. Do something you have never done before. The person you want to become is behind your fear, behind your habits. You are still the same person because you do the same thing. Go run that race, do that competition, ask out the girl! Do something you have never done, and be the person you have never been.

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